Motherhood today. Why is this the problem of all of us?
“What is it that you do not wear a hat on your mother! Do you not know that you need to put a baby hat on a child? “- every young mother encounters uninvited advice and, at first glance, there is nothing disastrous about it. Well, our older generation loves to teach young people – you can just skip past ears.
However, unpardonable advice – this is actually only the tip of the iceberg, only one of the manifestations of how our society relates to motherhood.
What is pregnant?
Not every woman experiences her pregnancy the way she would like it. There is a stereotype of a happy, brave pregnant woman who goes all the way radiant, stroking his tummy, and the surrounding world does not care about her. Indeed, there are such happy women. But it is worthwhile to ask ten or twenty acquaintances in detail, that they felt during this period, and it will become clear that the experiences of the pregnant woman are much more complicated.
Pregnancy (even planned) and early motherhood are a huge stress, and for many women this period is experienced not only as joy but also as a loss
his tight and sexy body,
loss (albeit temporarily) of work ability
status in a society (“mummy” is much lower than a professional status).
In every pregnant woman, her future baby and the fact that she will become a mother always causes both positive and negative experiences. Psychologists call this fact a maternal ambivalence. This is normal. But the proportion of these experiences for each woman is different, depending on many internal (physical and mental health, support of husband and family) and external (economic and social) factors. The more negative factors, the more difficult it is for a mother to adequately give love to her child. And vice versa.
Last year, I watched the mothers and children interact with children’s playgrounds in California, and was struck by one fact-there’s no mummy screaming about their children. Why?
It is said that this is because in American society beat or scream at one’s own child on people – the fact is not socially acceptable. This may cause problems with government agencies. But, in my opinion, the reason is not only to contain negative actions, but also to the gigantic support that the mother receives from their society.
Pregnant women wish good passers-by. Young moms smile on the streets and make them compliments in a huge amount – much more often than just women. Strangers stop and tell them about what a wonderful child they have. The Americans told me it was
is experienced as support
raises self-esteem and
gives you the feeling that you’re doing everything right and you’ll get “everything.”
“When I go with a child on the street, everyone sees that being a mom is cool,” one mother told me.
Not all mothers love husbands, not everyone has a stable economic situation, not everyone has anyone to help with the child and at home. After all, not everyone had their own good mother, with whom we could now take an example. But those who do not receive support in the family, pick it up on the street. And this is a very correct, healthy situation.
But let’s return to our situation. What do our mothers encounter outside the family?
At one time, I was surprised by one fact. In the psychiatric hospital them. Pavlovian doctors turn to the patient for “You,” and students are taught to treat patients with respect. Because their patients are highly vulnerable people.
Instead, even in private women’s consultations with pregnant women doctors massively turn to “you”. Adults, full-fledged women are, at best, called “daughters” and “natashenki”, thus placing themselves in the humiliating position of a small child in front of an all-knowing adult.
In state consultations, the situation is even worse. There is often a pregnant woman is simply intimidated. Although the situation is gradually changing for the better, in domestic gynecology it is still not accepted to respect pregnant women and women of childbearing age.
Formally proclaiming motherhood something sacred and inviolable, society puts the real young mother in the unselfish position of the child, whom everyone can point out, considers her incompetent, uneducated, unripe.
We are accustomed to teach pregnant women, and especially young mothers, and condemn them for the slightest deviation from our ideas about ideal maternity. I had to hear how a 50-year-old man aggressively taught his young mother, an unknown person, that, when he crossed the road, she should take the child from the carriage to her arms. And, judging by the communication with mothers, this is a common occurrence.
The object of instruction or condemnation becomes
pregnant women on heels
pregnant women who gave birth to their home
mothers who are breastfeeding for too long (yes, there seems to be scientific evidence as to how much breastfeeding is actually needed),
those who strangle their children, as in principle, and those who heat them up.
After all, the reason to teach a young mother will always be.
With the first child almost to