Life: how not to ruin relationships because of the trifles
Feelings, dreams, plans after the first encounter with life often breaks down on reality. It turns out that the “native man” can be completely different from your ideas about life together. And it will not succeed in closing the eyes. Because you can avoid disputes about the destinies of mankind, but the question of who today is walking a dog or preparing a dinner can not be bypassed.
If you look deeper, it is precisely life at the encounter with life life that most immediately reveals the intolerance of the partners, their infantileness and the inability to negotiate. The man slammed the door because of a cold dinner, and the girl threw a guy from the sockets lying around the apartment? From the side – stupidity. But inside the relationship, these minor misses of the partner are regarded as indifference, dislike and the desire to play on the nerves. Why is this happening?
The fact is that absolutely everything at the moment of a bloody massacre due to dirty tracks on the parquet or the lowered lid of the toilet forget that their pair is, in fact, not an androgyn with two heads and four legs. These are two totally different people with different views on everyday life and everyday life. Each of us has its own back ground. Someone has grown with 20 dogs and cats, and cloths of wool throughout the apartment are perceived as an integral part of comfort. And somebody’s home was like a sterile operating room, except that at the table did not sit in rubber gloves and surgical hats. But everyone expects what will happen, as before.
Some are lucky, and the styles in their families are alike – they both share a look at who should wash the dishes, who make money. Although it’s a rarity. Usually in mature relationships, people adapt, negotiate and develop their unique style, comfortable for both. But, unfortunately, not always the couple is ready for such a level of dialogue.
For example, I had a couple who were on the verge of divorce because of dirty plates. They even went to the psychologist, and they were told to buy a dishwasher. Three months later they had already cursed because of whose turn the dirty dishes were loaded. It is clear that there is not a thing in the plates. The problem is that people can not agree. While they met, this topic seemed far and absolutely insignificant. But when they began to live together, the desire to sell their model of everyday life outweighed other important things and became an insurmountable problem. So life and living together very quickly reveal whether people are able to find a common language.
As a matter of fact, life, like litmus test, shows how much your couple are able to constructively resolve conflicts. Have passed the test everyday? So you can move on.
But to secure and protect yourself from everyday extremism, it’s best to follow a few simple rules immediately:
Do not get too fast. According to the experience of his work on returns, he noticed that if a couple rushes early, then problems arise, become aggravated and become very difficult in the form of a heavy form. They are often delayed only by the birth of children. And not because, hurray, we have a common purpose and meaning, and simply all household matters are being pushed back to the background. A man runs away from childhood screams to work, and a zombie woman concentrates on the child and the ability to sleep an extra hour. But 3-4 years later, when the child grows up, the gloom of discontent will flare up with renewed vigor. Again, no one will close his eyes to the crumbs in the bed and the scattered things.
Strive for a compromise. Problems with everyday life, as a rule, are acutely stubborn people who firmly hold their habits and do not move on iota. Life is a common territory – it is necessary to master it even before they have come. And the rules there are worked out together. If there is a problem with concessions, agree to leave behind some of the most expensive habits and ask the partner to perceive them as an inviolable right to personal weakness.
Start with the trial period. Before moving to a partner with suitcases, I recommend to go together for a week on vacation. Far rides are always a good test. Especially any extreme. There are all the drawbacks of character, and it becomes clear how much a person is ready to live together. It is also better to get off at once. First, stay together for the weekend, gradually lengthening the period of living together. So a joint life will begin organically and smoothly, without any stress.
In short, it’s not necessary to be afraid of everyday problems. It is perfectly normal if you will conflict and adapt each other for the first weeks. But, if life becomes the main stumbling block for several months, think about whether relationships that collapse due to dirty dishes are viable. Good luck!