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You know, the ideas about love are different for everyone – someone adheres to the idea of ​​”beating, that is, he loves,” someone shouts “I can not live without him”, and someone is announcing a loud voice about his love with paintings where instead of paints blood Yes, this is also the case. Do you know what unites all 3 positions? This is not love, no matter how screaming about the opposite of the authors of such words, it is neurotic attachment and co-dependence in different stages of manifestation. Hold on for a moment your angry exclamations in the style of “You do not understand anything, it’s love”, read the article to the end and in your head all the puzzles become a clear picture. So what is love? First and foremost, this is an informed choice. It’s about “I’m good with this person, here and now I’m happy with him, and so we are together, but if something changes, if our roads disperse, then I have the full right to stop the relationship, and we will go every one on our own.” You see yes Mature position and reasonable approach to the face. Dependent relationships and, in particular, neurotic attachment, are characterized by far mature position, it is very difficult to come out of them, and the person becomes like a masochist who is beaten / offended / neglected / etc, but he endures (the masochist of a person sees the surrounding , but he himself thinks that everything is in order, that it is love). Signs of neurotic attachment Unfortunately, only 30% of all relationships can be called healthy (the figure is approximate); the rest of the people are one way or another in relationships that can be qualified as a degree of co-dependence and / or neurotic affection. Let’s look at the signs of such relationships. 1. Denial of Other Options “If he throws me, I will not meet anyone anymore and die the old virgin”. 2. Always together “Only a joint holiday, only a joint selection of toilet paper, only joint evening at home”. 3. Jealousy without a reason “Yeah, you kidnap her for a week now, so you sleep with her, you are such a cattle.” 4. Obsessive Desires Catch the difference between “I want to be loved and enjoy it” and “I must love what I would not have to.” 5. Greed Neurotic love is insatiable and manifests itself in the general greed of character, found in food, shopping, impatience, sex, etc. 6. The requirement of unconditional love “You must love me no matter how I behave.” 7. Fear of rejection God forbid the man with a neurotic attachment to refuse to meet or call a phone call – this will mean that you have betrayed him and begged you for forgiveness on your knees. 8. Self-deception “I am the greatest of lovers and capable of high self-sacrifice” – but in fact the neurotic is simply incapable of loving. 9. Pressure for Pity “You must love me, because I suffer and is helpless.” 10. Patience for the great purpose A person with neurotic attachment is ready to bear almost any humiliation – he leaves for the time himself, but then still returns. This is far from all the signs, but the main ones. It’s worth to understand that neurotic attachment can be not only in women, but also in men (especially if there was a rejection mum), and in children (up to a certain age is the norm, but in the age of 25, to hold on to my mother’s skirt explicit examination). Also, neurotic attachment can be expressed not only in relation to a person of the opposite sex, but also in relation to mother, friend, country, religion, etc. Known examples The most popular stories of big and light love from books and films, unfortunately, are nothing more than a neurotic attachment. Try to analyze on the basis of the attributes I described above and you will feel the line between love and abnormal affection. 1. Romeo is a neurotic, and about the love of Lilia Brick and Mayakovsky it is quite possible to defend the candidate’s psychology; 2. Kerry Bradshaw and Big (the man of her dreams) are bright co-independent relationships, where Kerry is a typical neurotic, and Big in a counter-dependency, that is, it is so scary to be with a woman, because of her previous unsuccessful experience, that he avoids close relationships ; 3. Rat Butler and Scarlett O’Hara – is equivalent to Example 2, just vice versa. Here is the counter-independent Scarlet – she seems to be incapable of close relations, afraid of other people and does not notice loving her Rett and Melon, but persistently persecutes Ashley. And Reth, respectively, pursues Scarlett; 4. Anna Karenina – initially showed no signs of neurotic attachment, but after the connection with Vronsky became her bright follower; 5. Diary of memory – but here, surprisingly, healthy relations. Remember that love is about happiness and satisfaction from relationships with a partner, not about suffering, tears and hysteria. A girl with a mature psyche and a healthy attitude to love will say, “Yes, I love my husband and I want to live with him until old age, but if tomorrow the husband starts to behave in an improper way, for example, to beat me with a sneak face, I will turn around and leave, and then I will meet new husband “. A girl with neurotic attachment, which is in co-independent relationship, will say the following “You do not understand anything! We have a great love. Yes, he stumbled and

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