How to return a girl: to apologize or to change?
“It seems to me that this state will last forever. All my ambitions, hobbies, emotions have gone to the background. Inside the emptiness, all thoughts are only about her and I want one – to become as before. I take my past in my head, I remember the most striking romantic moments: our first date, the first kiss. In one moment all my plans for the future collapsed. I do not imagine, with whom, except for it, I will spend the next weekend, next year, all my life … “. This is a letter from one of our recent clients, Anton, who begged to help him return his ex-wife.
When we read the beginning of such letters, unfortunately, we can predict almost 100% how history has developed. Usually, before coming to us, clients have already gone through the stage of clarifying the relationship, apologizing on their part, promises of a bright future, but this (how strange, is not it?) Further exacerbated the situation.
For example, the author of this letter, Anton, at the time of seeking help, managed to bring him to a state where the former did not want to see him and talk to him at all. The memory of his cell phone was a cemetery of idiotic messages, which she left unanswered, and the subsequent apologies for her in an attempt to correct the situation. Anton even arranged a couple of times to look after his wife and once noticed her after working in another male’s company. As a result, Anton strengthened the flow of confessions and apologies, than finally repulsed the former wife from himself and shook his inner state up to the onset of depression.
If Anton understood on time that the apologies and conspiracies did not solve the matter, and began to study this material before finally destroying the relationship, with our help he would correct everything very quickly. But, unfortunately, in our practice of such timely applications no more than 20%.
Therefore, the first thing that we recommend to everyone from whom the girl left:
not take any action within the first 24 hours after leaving;
study ALL the materials we offer;
using new knowledge and common sense, draw up a plan to return to their former.
All this allows you to lower the degree of emotion and do not break the firewood. Practice shows that the observance of these initial recommendations greatly increases the chances of an independent girl’s return. The only case where you can practice practically immediately is to consult a professional in the field of relationships.
But for some reason, it seems that rebuilding relationships is very simple. Suffice it to apologize, come home with flowers, invite a girl somewhere, make a romantic date – and everything will be as before. If so, why are you looking for answers to your questions here? Because it’s not so easy at all.
People are very fond of giving advice, especially on the topic of relationships: “Apologize to her, tell me that everyone has understood that you will fix that you love her.” True, their entire experience is limited to observing several crisis situations in the families of friends and personal (as a rule, unsuccessful) experience. It’s like giving football players advice while sitting on a fan stand. So take care of such “advisers”. They will not tell you what to do if she does not accept your apologies, will refuse to meet you, or after the meeting will only strengthen in her decision to part.
The first thing you really have to do is stop doing anything. In chess there is such a position – called “bad situation”. Any of your moves leads to a loss. Unlike chess, in real life you can make a break. It’s time for you to pause and understand what happened.
With Anton, we conducted several coaching sessions, teaching him to control his emotions, switch attention to positive things and pump resources. At some point, his changes began to be noticed by others.
“I recently went to my parents. They initially asked “innocent” questions, but eventually they could not stand it and asked a question on the forehead: “What happened to you? After parting with your wife, you were not your own. It was painful to look at you. And now you are watching for yourself, and in the eyes of the light … “. I had to tell them about you. Hello to you from the dad and mom “, Anton wrote to us two months later.
Here in this state of energy recovery we begin to talk with the client about the former. You can scroll through dozens of situations in your head in search of the true cause of the break, but it just distract you from the main factor that requires treatment. There are a lot of reasons and reasons, but in the end everything will be reduced to one: you ceased to be attractive to her. If you want to return it, first of all, you need to think about how to return the attractiveness, and not about where and when you’ve accumulated.
Sorry for the mistake you can and without us. But become attractive again for her – alone is quite difficult. A person can not be forced into a team to get carried away by someone. Let’s hold a mental experiment: remember any of your acquaintances, which you consider absolutely, absolutely unattractive, even repulsive. Can you force yourself to get carried away with her, love her? Maximum that you can, it’s time to sleep with her (and then, most likely, by drunk), but then on